I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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