Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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