you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
