i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
