that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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