my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
