she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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