Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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