yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
