This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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