i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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