I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We left an ass print on the piano.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
