I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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