Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
false alarm, still single
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
