your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
