Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
