gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
