4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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