these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just forgot I was standing up.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
