I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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