Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We're too hungover to prance.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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