Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
