Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
