does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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