For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
