nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
