if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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