Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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