Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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