I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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