the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
