I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize