he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
