I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize