Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i need some magic done to my vagina
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
