Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
