jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
