Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
