I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
