Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
