Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
