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Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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