An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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