I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
