I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
