I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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