Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
