He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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