Heybabeimwearingurpanties
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Farmville is her only friend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
