were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can't talk, ducks in the car
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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