He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize