You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
