return my video game
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize