Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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