fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
