Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize