so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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