you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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