Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
