3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
