We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize