My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
