After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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