well I can't set my house on fire every night
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
