i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
