Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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