Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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