you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
