I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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