i just google imaged poop.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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