somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
