I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
