I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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