obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
