I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
