What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
