ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
