Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
