The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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