just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize