my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
