Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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