Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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