Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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