Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
