you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
