Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
