i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
