Michael Bay diarrhea
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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