my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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