you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sober January is a disaster.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
