I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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