I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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