who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
