Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
