he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
