Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
