A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
