i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
