i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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