It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
